Letters
by neji447
Summary: Cagalli is struck with a rare illness, her days are numbered and she plans to die alone but will Athrun let her? -OneShot- I know i suck at summary,first time writing, please be kind to me! R&R please


**Disclaimer : I don't own GS/GSD **XD If I did, I would make the leaving scene where Athrun hugged Cagalli in destiny be in the real series and not in some special season and replace Meyrin with Cagalli in the last part of final plus but unfortunately I don't own them. =p

First time writing, please be kind to me, constructive criticism please! Please tolerate with my grammatical errors and others. Hope you enjoy reading XD

Cagalli POV

"click", the door shut a tad behind me. I heaved a sigh and pressed my back and hands as if to stop someone from coming in but the truth was that the door was already locked. I closed my eyes and tried to control the wrenching pain in my chest, both emotionally and physically. "To think today would be my last ", I whispered pathetically with a rueful smile.

"Cough, Cough", I opened my heavy lids. Blood. My handkerchief was painted red in blood. "You're pathetic Cagalli, of all obstacles, you let a rare disease stymie you "I thought to myself and retorted by rolling my eyes." God, have I become insane too? I should really stop talking or reacting to myself ", I noted and ruffled my fiery blond hair.

My melancholic eyes took one good look at my office. It hurts to think that I'm leaving here for good; it has been seven years since I set foot on this office. Although it doesn't hold much memories, nevertheless I'm quite attached to it for it has already become my second home. The maroon walls reminded me of the blood pool, the sacrifice made. 

It has kept me persevering until now. I have always thought that what I did is always best for orb but now when I think of it, orb is indeed thriving but what lies ahead is as unbeknown to us as us to the cryptic universe. Would it be better if I had taken kisaske's advice and took better care of myself? It doesn't matter anymore, my days are numbered, i just know it. 

I trudged over to my favorite desk and gently caress it. It's made of one of the finest wood, Brazilian rosewood. I have always liked this table very much, but now it pains me to even look at it but I can't help staring at it despite the stinging sensation in my eyes as i gritted my teeth, clenched my fists and tried to hold back my eyes from tearing. Ah, that tint of blue, sure does reminds me of Him. Why does everything now makes me think of Him? Even the ever heartwarming sunset's shine makes me think of the time He wanted to meet Kira and I through Miriallia. 

Back then, a war between Orb and Plants was waging, i was worried and wanted to make sure that He was fine. Truthfully, I wanted him back badly but i didn't know he had already gone back to ZAFT. That fateful day, the same warm sunset shone its glory upon us insinuating a spark of hope, when he came, i was so glad but when Miriallia told us he re-enlisted, my heart sank and when he told me, my heart sank to the deepest depths. I had asked him if he was coming back but I guessed that I already knew the answer. He was not coming back, to orb, to me until I pulled Orb out of the treaty with the Alliance. 

That was what he had been insisting and the painful and wavering look on his eyes when he saw the ring he had given me before he turned back to his Justice gundam was something that left a indelible scar in my heart, less to say the words he said after that. I couldn't really see his face when he said it but I could imagine it, even up till now. The words haunted me even when I decided to put Orb as priority and reject everything else. I sat down on my desk chair and my eyes started to tear; I couldn't contain it anymore. 

Those words were reverberating in my head, "_There are some things that a person cannot accept even if he understands them. Even me._ ". His velvet voice was filled with hurt yet also dripping with a tad animosity. Although, I doubt that it was directed to me, it still hurts either way. 

I wiped the beads of tears trundling down with the back of my hand and took out a blank piece of paper and started writing,

"Dear Athrun,  
By the time you received this letter, I would have already left. If you want to try looking for me, don't bother to, you won't be able to find me. Although I would be glad that you have the heart to search for me, I'd prefer if you moved on and that's why I left without saying goodbye as much as I would like to; But if I don't leave, I'm afraid that I'll be selfish and hog you all to myself.

Time after time, I tried to keep away from you but you always end up finding a way back to me. I drove you out of Orb military but you set a charity foundation, helped the devastated and the poor and also became a well known politician. You made it in such a way that it was impossible for the Chairman of Orb to just brush or ignore you. So please, i beg you, stay out of the last moments in my life, let me take away all the sins and sorrows and just move on. With your qualities, I'm sure you will find your second half and lead a blissful life. I love you. Love, Cagalli " 

I could no longer write anymore, my hands were trembling as i wrote, it would be a miracle if my hand writing was classified as legible and tears blurred my vision. My body no longer obeys me because it hurts too much to keep on writing. Writing those words felt like someone operating me conscious and using a thousand blades coated in poison to slowly shave layers and layers of my heart to the ground.

"Keep yourself together, Cagalli. At least leave them a perfect image, don't taint it. At least something is perfect despite the other being a total failure. ", I stifled my soft cries and wiped away the tears like a toddler that fell and cried but refused to succumb. I folded the letter and opened my drawer to grab an envelope. Then, I proceeded to place the letter in it. At the same time, I whipped out a mirror from my drawer to make sure my face didn't let the cat out of the bag. 

I waited a few moments to let the redness in my eyes subside. While waiting I closed my eyes and appreciated the last moment in this office. " Cagalli ", I snapped open my eyes and scanned the surroundings. " No sign of him, it's just your imagination Cagalli, you're getting paranoid " I let out a sigh of relieve and checked my eyes once again. After double checking, i slowly got up of my seat and took the letter. I gave my favorite table a last caress before heading towards the door. My feet felt heavy, I would miss this place, this mundane routine.

When i got to the door, I took a deep breath. "Click ", the door opened. 

" Where do you think you're going, _Princess_? "

Dumb-struck and flabbergasted, I dropped the letter. My eyes were wide in astonishment and my mouth was left hanging open. "A-Ath-run.." It was barely a mutter. Then, a sharp intense pain shot through me, I dropped to my knees and coughed badly; it felt like I was going to literally vomit blood out.

" Cagalli! ", Athrun was immediately by my side. When I stabilized, I looked at him and saw concern and worry, it was all written on his face.  
" Are you okay? ", he inquired.

" And if I tell you I wasn't, what would you do? How did you get here? Who let you in? Why are you here? What do you want? ", I bombarded him with questions that just slipped from my mouth.

Before I know it, he held my face gently with his right hand and soon enough, he pulled me into a deep kiss as I felt his soft supple lips on mine. I stunned for a moment before realizing and tried to pull away but my efforts was futile, it made him kiss and explore me even more.

Dang, he was a good kisser, his teasing was relentless and I found myself leaning towards him with my hands on his chest and responding the way he wants me to. The deep longing in me that was chained and caged in the most deserted place in my heart was suddenly awaken and I felt a surge of desire to dominate him. Surprisingly, I allowed it to take over and I attacked him fiercely.

God, as much as I didn't want to admit, I would like him to kiss me senseless and never let me go. Maybe all along I had subconsciously longed for him to do that. It doesn't matter that all i could taste was the metallic flavor and a little of the honey he tasted like, If I could ever stop time, I would stop it right now and then because I was no longer the 25 year old representative of Orb but back to the naive 18 year old Rogue pilot, back to where i belonged to him. 

When we broke for air, I stared into his gentle emerald eyes, looking for something i do not know myself. Then I shook myself out of my reverie and pulled away from him. Well, maybe as expected of Athrun, he is always one step ahead of me; He had already closed me in a dead-locked hug effortlessly with my hands confined and crushed me onto his chest. 

"Arggg, let me go! Damn you, let me go! You jerk! ", I trashed and cursed but it all came out as a muffled struggle. Never a man of words, Athrun tightened his grip and leaned against the closed door with his legs spread out, making a L shape with the door which i didn't notice since when he had closed it. Like before, I soon gave up and there was a dead silence albeit a comforting one. Being rendered helpless, I made myself comfortable, snuggling up to him and turning to my left to hear the rhythmic beat of his heart.

"Aren't you afraid of contracting my disease? And why won't you answer my earlier questions? "  
I murmured.

"No, I'm not scared because Mukulicz' Disease isn't contagious and why should I? I should have been longed dead. Plus, since when have you truly answered mine? ", He retorted

He then heaved a sigh and continued, "I came back for you, like i always did and I'm not going to let you die like this. Why didn't you tell me about your condition? I only knew when Kisaske told me" His voice was as gentle as a dove that i thought i was dreaming, i had never heard him speak like this.

"Cagalli?"

"Huh? Oh.. There wasn't a need for you to know and besides, why must I tell you? You're not my dad and it's my life, I do what I want with it. Miracles don't happen because you know about my condition Athrun "I snorted

"Your life and welfare doesn't only concerns you, your life affects others, that's why. Your people, Kira, Lacus, your friends, your country and I. Miracles don't happen if I know about it but it doesn't mean we can't make it happen. There is still hope,don't give up on yourself. "He said solemnly, I could feel his serious yet soft emerald eyes boring in me.

"Unfortunately, I doubt miracles will happen on me" I whispered in a soft sad tone.

"Don't say such things, you'll never know until you try. You have already made one happened before. Back then in genesis, you gave me the strength to live and we barely made it alive thanks to me. So now use that strength to keep on living. If it's for me, would you? ", his voice was thick with desperation, without even looking at him, I could picture his unbearable countenance and I couldn't reject him.

"Don't get your hopes too high, my condition is complex, there's no exact cure for it and it has jolted and lured other diseases to attack me. That's why I'm coughing so badly. Even if I live, I will become tearless and eating would be a trouble. About the tearing part, maybe it's my retribution for becoming harsh and realistic that Haumea wants to punish me with eternal tearless cries.

"Hey Athrun, promise me that if I die, don't find a woman like me, you have suffered too much under my spell. ", like a fade out in music editing, every line I said became softer and softer till the last word was just a soft whimper.

"Some things cannot be replaced, even if I found another unlike you, I can never be solely hers because you have already imprinted yourself in that special place in my heart but I promise you. Just like how if Kira has a clone, that clone can never replace Kira himself in your core and if I wasn't sure of what I wanted, I wouldn't have given you the ring at the age of 18 in the midst of war and despite of just being a soldier while you had millions of life weighing on your shoulder. 

If you're thinking that I gave it to you so that you wouldn't marry Yuna then you're dead wrong because I took 3 months of my salary that I had painstakingly earned just to buy you that. I loved you more than I knew it myself. "This time, I couldn't read his voice; it was filled with a mixture of emotions.

"In return of my promise, if you live, you have to marry me. I booked a shuttle to the Plants, I'm sure it's already here, lets go. ", Athrun said smirking

" Hey, wipe off that smirk, who says I'm going to the Plants with you and who says i want to marry you? ", for the first time since I made myself comfortable, i looked up and stared at him frowning

" If you have forgotten my lady, the Plants has a higher technology in terms of medicine. If Durindal suggest the destiny plan, it means that he has found the technology to do so and it also means that there is no reason why your sickness cannot be cured. Furthermore, you have just agreed to let me help you find a cure for your sickness, you don't have a choice, Princess. "

" Don't call me that! You know-", before i could even finish what i was saying, Athrun cut me off

" I'm not done yet. You're such a hypocrite, Cagalli. ", he slipped one of his hands to my neck and lithely undoes and pulled out my necklace. He held it in front of us, beaming a rare smile. His ring gleamed at me, almost as to say "You lose this time, Cagalli ". I was totally rendered speechless.

Athrun took this chance to put back on the necklace, stood up, took the letter, placed it in his pocket and carried me bride styled, all in a couple of swift movements. "Let's not let the shuttle wait. I'm sure the driver is already sick of waiting. "

" So am I ", I replied. I allowed him to carry me to the shuttle despite all the stares we were getting, I was tired of rejecting him and truthfully, such moments in life are amongst the best.

Throughout the whole journey to the Plants, we took a nap because we were both tired after a long day and we were pretty sure the days ahead of us won't be easy either; although I'm sure he didn't get much sleep either because i kept coughing from time to time.

When we got to the Plants, Lacus and Kira was waiting for us. I was elated to see them; it had been a long time since i have seen them personally. We exchanged hugs and wishes, they offered to let me stay with them but Athrun reject it and promised them that he will take good care of me. Although the thought of staying together with Athrun kind of made me happy and I didn't want to play gooseberry, but at the same time, i was so afraid that it would be the last time seeing them.

When we left, I turned and took one last look at them and Kira's grim expression and Lacus rueful smile confirmed my fears. They both knew about my condition and it seemed that even the ever cheerful Lacus wasn't optimistic about it. Then I turned to Athrun but all I saw was a blank face with unreadable eyes.

When we got to the house, it was already nightfall but i was still amazed and dazzled despite of the lack of light. It wasn't a mansion or anything like the Athha's mansion yet just a simple two story house with a beautiful garden. It was simple but had the aura of a mansion. The interior was just as how the exterior look like, simple and clean, like a house of a normal person, I could feel the warm in it. For once in a long time, I felt like I was home unlike the Attha's residence where everything seems so cold where the cleaners only come once in a month and where i solely lived.

"I thought you would like something simple for a change, something out of what you saw and lived everyday. I don't want you to think of Orb from now on and just focus on your recovery. We can save Orb for after your recovery. I won't be going to work but rather managing them from here so that I can take care of you. ", he said proudly while gazing at the interiors

" Won't you get sick of seeing me everyday? "

" Unfortunately not and Kira will slaughter me if i let anything happen to you because of my carelessness. Besides, I don't want anything to happen to you myself. ", he told me noncommittally before pulling me up the stairs and showing me my bed room.

We skipped dinner because it was too late for that and we were both exhausted. Even though I clearly remembered that he was lying on his bed when i wished him good night, I found myself snuggling up to something warm beside me when i woke up coughing but thanks to that "thing", I slept quite peacefully until morning where the place beside me was still rather warm and I got up grinning.  
-

Athrun, with the help of Kira and Lacus, managed to get the best doctors in the Plants. Everyday, I was checked and monitored and I felt like a guinea pig. The doctors discussed my conditions again and again and soon 2 weeks passed, they gave me different medicines but to no avail. My coughing got worse, my eyes got drier and my mouth was dessicated. However, Athrun was always with me and that made things bearable..

Another week passed and I was like half-dead, eating had became a chore for me and the medicines often drove me into slumber. However, one day that week, the doctors had finally come up with a solution. That solution however, was deadly. They told us that they can no longer drag my condition to find a proper cure and given my current situation, it was the only hope left.

Upon hearing that, I was devastated not because I didn't want to die but because the weeks I had spent here made me attached to this house, my friends and it made me even more attached to Athrun. I didn't want to leave Kira and Lacus, I didn't want to leave those that cared for me, and I didn't want to leave him. That day, I should have known that Athrun called Kira. He came along with Lacus to discuss about the cure.

The medicine to my cure was like poison; it could either cure or kill me. That was the only way to internally alter my immune cells so that it would stop attacking my glands and at the same time eradicate the chronic cough i was having as a result of the disease. However, if the altering doesn't go as expected, I may develop Leukemia and given my current body state, I won't last longer than without that medicine. It was a 30/70 risk.

With 3 of them sitting beside me, we started to discuss.

"So are we going to do this?", Athrun asked solemnly

" I think it's worth the try but it all depends on Cagalli. ", Kira replied coolly

" We will not know if we don't try. I also think that it is crucial that Cagalli should be the one who makes the final decision, Athrun ", Lacus agreed  
Everyone stopped staring at each other and turned to face me.

Their faces were grim, no one wanted this to happen.

Taking a deep breath, I whispered firmly in a coarse voice,  
" We'll have a go then, it's just the matter of how early it is and although 30% is not a good rate but I'm sure there are people that don't even have choice ".

-

The following days, as planned, I took the medicine and the doctors monitored my condition. They tried to shift me to the hospital for a better full screen check rather than to bring the equipment over as Athrun requested but Athrun refused adamantly. He tried to be by my side 24/7 everyday even though I kept chasing him away because i didn't want him to see my pathetic state, to see that mournful green eyes.

Like having cancer treatment, the medicine wore me out and it shook me from within. I didn't have the appetite to eat nor the strength to even go to the toilet. Days were nights and nights were days. I slept in the days when the medicine was in effect and woke up at night when the medicine started to wear off and woke up coughing. Fortunately, my bed was a king size bed, Athrun was always beside me, if it was a single bed, it wouldn't fit him in and he would have to sleep on a chair all night.

It was already bad enough that he didn't get enough sleep, sleeping on a chair would be worse. Even though he always holds me to sleep, I was already starting to miss his warm when he's gone, even for a while. As time goes, his dark eye circles got worse and it made him look haggard despite that beautiful face. It hurts me to see him like this; I can only imagine it's much worse for him. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to him.

Then he wouldn't be in this much misery.

On a fine Tuesday, there was a sudden change, I was having difficulties breathing and for a moment there, i couldn't breathe.  
" Cagalli! Hang in there! Doctors! ", Athrun rushed out and screamed  
The medics were right by me in an instant and although i didn't see him beside me because my vision was already starting to blur at sight and slowly losing consciousness, i could feel his hand in on mine and that velvet voice dripping in anxiety and worry.

" Cagalli, hang in there! Don't leave me, please. Not you too. You said you would live for me. You said the hardest battle was to keep living! Please, Please, Hang in there! "  
That was the last string I heard before I was knocked unconscious.

Everything was black. In the darkness, i could only see myself, i felt like i was blind. Everything else was jet black.  
I started to wander aimlessly but it didn't seem make a difference because everything was pitch black anyway. Just then, i saw a sparkle of light. I headed towards that light and things seem to get brighter.  
" Cagalli! "  
" Cagalli, Hang in there "  
" Cagalli "  
"Hang in there, Girl"  
My name was reverberating everywhere, with all the voices i recognized. Athrun, Kira,Lacus, Kisaske, , Yzak, Dearka and many others.

Then, out of the sudden, everything brightened in a flash of light. Arg,my eyes. I had closed them instinctively and when i opened them, i saw my father.  
" Father! ", I called out as a surge of longing and relief washed through me  
" Hi Cagalli. I miss you ", he gave me a hug  
" I miss you too, I miss you so much "

" _Kaeru_. ", he said  
" What? Where? ", I replied in a puzzled tone  
" Back to your friends. You don't belong here, you are too young, my Cagalli. Go back to them, they are waiting for you. Go back before it's too late! Live a happy life like i wished you to. You have done enough for Orb. May this be your lesson, young one. " My father released and shoved me. I stumbled back a few steps with a puzzled look but he kept saying,  
" Go back, follow their voices. Go back Cagalli. You'll meet me again when it's time, but not now. ".

" Father!", I tried to get hold of him but he was already fading away, vanishing into thin air.  
I stood there dumbstruck, i couldn't digest what had happen, and it was too quick to be true.  
But one word he said kept ringing in my head. "_Kaeru._"

Then all that he said came running back to me, their voices was getting softer as time flies so i heeded his advice and started running towards the voices. As i ran, i shut my eyes and just focused on their encouraging yet desperate voices. As i got closer and closer, their voice became clearer and more distinct. Although i had my eyes shut, i felt like they were running beside me, eerie yet strangely comforting. Soon enough, i was once again blinded by the white light.

*Beep* *Beep*  
" Cagalli! ".  
" Cagalli! ".  
" That's my sister ".

I wondered if that was all a dream because I felt groggy and as if I had been drugged, i was only semi-conscious. I turned to my right and my eyes laid on Athrun first before looking behind him to find Kira and Lacus. They all had been elated, Lacus was hugging Kira and Kira returned it crying.

Such a big baby he is. "Hey guys. " That's all i could say with the strength I mustered.  
Though my vision wasn't perfect, I'm sure Athrun's heart had skipped a beat when i said that because it was all plastered over his face. I soon passed out but not without a peaceful countenance with a tiny smile, Athrun must be feeling what i was feeling, seventh-heaven.

-

3 months passed since then and i have fully recovered under the intense care of the doctors and not forgetting, Athrun himself. The doctors said it was a miracle and thanked me for letting them experience it. Some female doctors even cried so hard that i thought my room was going to be flooded. Furthermore, that idiotic fool didn't want to leave me for a moment to have his lunch but i guess i'm pretty much a fool myself, tossing everything aside just to manage my country.

Orb is doing pretty well under the new representative's rule,well at least that's what Athrun said. After recovery, i insisted that we go back to Orb because i wanted to make sure of things myself. Sure enough, Orb is hale and hearty. I also made a speech that even though i'm not the representative anymore, if anything should happen to Orb, I'll be there to make things right.

As the ex-representative of Orb and the sole survivor of the Athha family, i became one of the advisers along with the elders of Orb despite my young age and Athrun continued with the charity foundation but dropped out as a politician. Accessing the money left behind by our fathers, it was enough to provide us a luxurious life for 288 years to be exact.

Well, as promised, Athrun and I got engaged and the marriage soon fell after. People was shocked and thought that Athrun wasn't suitable enough for me but i didn't give a damn about it and i doubt he does either. Athrun bought a simple 2 story house rather near the beach and it kind of became our love nest because we still lived in the Athha's due to convenience and only went there during the week ends.

Waking up to the morning sun, Athrun was already awake and i found him staring at me.  
" What? i know my hair is in a mess, you don't have to stare at me like that "  
He rolled on top of me and pressed his forehead on mine  
" Tanjo-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu, Cagalli. A-i-shi-te-ru " He said smirking  
" Arg, stop teasing me, Athrun! ", I blushed red tomato with my eyes closed shut and pushed him away. He tickled me and we both laughed until our stomach hurt.

After calming down, I went over to the table, took the letter out of the drawer and tore it into shred.

"Cagalli?"

"Letters don't matter anymore because you're here with me, Athrun" I smiled

**End**

Hope you guys have enjoyed =p I'm sorry if you guys don't understand some words because they are in japanese but i felt a need to so please forgive me. Here is some of the definations

_Kaeru - Go back_

_Tanjo-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu_ - Happy Birthday.

_Aishiteru_ - I love you


End file.
